AngelsAbove...

2010-07-13T23:48:00.002+08:00

WHY IS THERE FUCKING WEIRD COMMENTS ON MY BLOG?!
THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA RESORT TO SOMETHING STUPID.

http://jiayunltf.blogspot.com/

My Angus Please Stay

2010-07-11T22:28:00.002+08:00

MAPS is actually an acronym for "My Angus Please Stay". Song's about Karen O's ex boyfriend, Angus Andrew, frontman of the band, Liars, who's said to have left her for his band or something.... probably a job offer or some shit. God knows.

Pack up
I'm straight
Enough
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you

Ma-a-a-a-ps
Wait, they don't love you like i love you

Made off
Don't stray
My kind's your kind
I'll stay the same

Pack up
Don't stray
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you

Ma-a-a-aps
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps
Wait, they don't love you like i love you...

2010-07-10T02:15:00.001+08:00

LOL at Youtuber's Comment:

Totan50

2 months ago

"I think its illegal to not head bang to this song"

It's early but...

2010-07-04T21:32:00.012+08:00

BIRTHDAY WISHLIST:
- PATIENCE & PRUDENCE CD

- BIG poster of JOAN JETT (THE BIGGER THE BETTER):P.S. Not Kristen Stewart, not Dakota Fanning, not the movie poster of The Runaways, but the REAL JOAN JETT :D

- A good book (Such as: books about Joan Jett, or Stanley Kubrick or..., etc.)

- SCOTT PILGRIM COMICS VOL. 6! (Whole series even better wakaka :D)

- "UP IN THE AIR" BOOK (NOT MOVIE)

- iPHONE! :D

- JOAN JETT LIVE CONCERT DVD

So far only came up with these but they are enough to keep me happy forEVER!
Will update if I have anything else!

YAYYYY!!!

I'll be good this semester! I'll study hard and be a good student this senior year. :)
TEEHEEHEE!!!

p.s. there's always this 'comments' on my entries in chinese words. I think they are virus/spam. And I dunno how to delete them. Annoying.

2010-07-01T11:12:00.001+08:00

Had a nightmare that school started
and i was alone.

:'(

2010-06-30T19:51:00.005+08:00

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me

2010-06-29T14:20:00.002+08:00

为了趙又廷，我想ti2shen1我的华语ji1chu3 (哈哈，我开玩笑的）

2010-06-27T07:26:00.030+08:00

NI HEN CUTE LEH!!!
OMG. -FAINTS-

-------
是的
當情緒來的時候深呼吸三次的確會比較好
如果能深呼吸十次更好
呼吸過量導致自己休克吵架都吵不了最好

是的
每個人都有自己的想法跟立場
不能拿自己看事情的角度去套在別人身上
但有沒有人發現其實不是自己的立場就是對方的立場
不管怎樣都是主觀的自私的

是的
幫助別人也就是幫助自己
包容他人也就是包容自己
但總是覺得自己幫助別人的次數比較多
總是覺得自己被包容的次數比較少

是的
每個人都有自己的大道理
每個人都不喜歡聽別人的大道理
說的總是比做的容易
一個流浪漢說出的至理名言
也不會有人聽聽了也覺得是垃圾是瘋言瘋語
但一個有權勢有錢有名氣的人隨便說出的話
大家都會去聽都會讚嘆跟佩服

是的
人生應該要過的負責任要過的對得起自己父母世界
人生要過得轟轟烈烈人生要有規劃命運是掌握在自己手中的

然後呢??
總覺得需要更具體的方向不然只是告訴我我已經知道的事了不是嗎

但如果說得太詳細帶著命令的口吻
牆立刻就會築起來防衛性的認為誰都不懂自己誰有資格主宰自己的人生
另一個極端
就是走進洞穴裡看著空白的地圖盲目的向前走

是的
理解力跟執行力不是自動對等並進的

如果能夠選擇過著片段性的人生
誰的人生都是美好的

最後只能再一次提醒自己
人生只是一個重複在追尋那十分之一的快樂的輪迴
只要偶爾能擁有它就可以繼續往前跑很久了

------
from Mark Chao's Blog

WAH SEH.
Some wise words there. Actually my Chi not bad k. I can understand what he's saying. :D

New Drama To Recommend:

This is GOOD. Zaizai totally surprised me. And its Mark Chao's first time acting. Woohoo!!

And meet Mark Chao's Daddy on Kang Xi:

You're So Fucking Special

2010-06-23T02:17:00.006+08:00

a sudden random thought:
think i may wanna have a tattoo of joan jett someday. that is how much i love her. and i'm most certain its not a phase.

This is a very good movie.

2010-06-19T21:01:00.009+08:00

"If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life... were you alone? Life's better with company."

Maybe.

----
I'm up in the air,
Choices drifting by me everywhere
And I can't find the one
That would help me do the work I've left undone,
'Cause I'm up in the air.

I'm making some plans,
Finding out there's always new demands.
And I can't be precise
When people ask me what I'm doing with my life.
I say, "It's up in the air."

I'm hearing from friends.
It's that tired, old advice again:
"You just cannot keep floating all around,
Oh, you got to get your feet back on the ground."
But it's hard to come down
When you're up in the air.

Da, da da da da da
Da, da da da da da
Daaaa, daaa, daaa, da da da
Mmm

I"m travelling in my car,
Always lost, though I don't go that far.
I find that I can live most anywhere.
Everyone I meet has so much they can share.
But I don't settle down
'Cause I'm up in the air.

I'm thinking of my past,
The comfort in my home that couldn't last.
Now my family tells me work for your success
And they want to see me find some happiness.
But I"m not sure where that is
'Cause I'm up in the air.

I'm talking with my peers,
Listening to them tell their inner fears.
Some have lives that haven't gone the way they planned,
And some are trapped in situations they can't stand.
But I don't want the same for me
So I stay up in the air.

Da, da da da da da
Da, da da da da da
Daaaa, daaa, daaa, da da da
Mmm

I'm out in the woods,
Something here does my heart so good.
I breathe the air and I know that I'm alive.
And I stare at all the birds as they fly by.
I guess it all goes down to them
'Cause they're up in the air...

WHAT IF...

2010-06-16T07:18:00.006+08:00

You have no laptop or no access to the internet in any way; be it iphone, itouch, etc...

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

It's such a hard question for me. I'm such a slave to my computer, I think I would've suffocated myself with a pillow if my laptop is ever confiscated from me (in which my Dad threatened to do so yesterday morning).

But... what if... that really happened.
I think I would be miserable but I wouldn't die from boredom entirely. I would be forced to do something outside of cyberspace. I could be doing alot more things... (and probably spending more money... -shrugs-)

Maybe I should take the test sometime. Hand my laptop over to my dad for a couple of weeks and see if I would survive.

That's such a childish, gay thing to do. Life's been so easy for me. Maybe I could try doing things the hard way for a while. I'll probably give this a try soon. Take a vacation away from my laptop.

Ok random post at a very weird hour too. I'm off! BYE.

2010-06-16T05:56:00.003+08:00

today
it occured to me that i might be a big fat phony
which might've explained why i'm such a boring person

SCOTT PILGRIM FAN

2010-06-13T21:25:00.006+08:00

I
CANNOT
WAIT
TO
WATCH
THIS
MOVIE

I think it'll be released in Singapore on NOVEMBER 4TH. LONG WAY TO GO BOOHOO. >:o
But it's so gonna be an awesome screwball comedy. YAY!!!

I'm reading the comic now and I'm crazy over it.
Luckily for me the comic's final volume (Vol. 6) will be out on 20th July!
CAN'T WAIT SERIOUSLY.

And this song is too cute.

Oh no I just finished Vol. 5. What's the ending gonna be like?! ARGHHH! >.<
Gotta wait till 20th July for Vol. 6.....

Can't get thru this once without crying

2010-06-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

i don't like girly girls

2010-06-12T19:00:00.006+08:00

Also from: 28 weeks later's theme

Also from: John Murphy - The Surface of the Sun (Sunshine OST)

"She was like John Rambo meets Polly Pocket"
I totally died at that line.

I Like Shojo Manga/Anime

2010-06-10T23:31:00.020+08:00

The singer doesn't have the nicest voice but the tune's nice. What a waste ^o^

Cos the pictures are always so pretty.

And even though now I've watched it for the 2nd time and find that the sad scenes don't make me cry anymore plus it's so overloaded with corny, and some meaningless lines.

BUT I STILL LIKE. ^^ It's the japanese vibe.. thing. Like sushi. I can never turn down sushi, no matter how full I am, no matter how expensive they are. No matter how cheap they actually are (rice, fish and seaweed). I'm IN LOVE with them.

AND GUESS WHAT?!
I'm reading KICK-ASS DIGITAL COMICS MUTHAFUKAASSS!!! WAHAHA!
Next I'm gonna read Scott Pilgrim comics even before the movie's opening in Singapore!

I've decided to be a comicgirl.. for now. Yoohoo holidaaayssss yayy.

I'm crying buckets watching Pretty In Pink

2010-06-01T05:43:00.006+08:00

This guy, Andrew Mccarthy, is so incredibly cute. Well... was incredibly cute.

You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. Well I believed in you. I just didn't believe in me. I love you... always.

John Hughes Frenzy

2010-06-01T02:27:00.003+08:00

2010-05-30T03:56:00.001+08:00

Change is nature. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide.

i'm feeling lightheaded.

2010-05-29T19:12:00.010+08:00

views on failure
respect for oneself, for others
within your control
not something uncontrollable
like the gravy at the corner of your mouth (uh.. what?)
not because of content
not doing justice to your brain
i know you first hand
the office
head against the table
what do you want?
figuring out what you want is a want
aspiration is so sad
just pass
not asking to do well
don't you wanna change
don't you wanna change
don't you wanna change
don't you wanna change
don't you love yourself
don't you think you deserve better
reward system
air-conditioned
life other than your bedroom
facilitate
serious circumstances
if you were in America
people knocking on doors all the time
brilliant brilliant
great smart
poetic
babysitting
daycare
adults

adult

disappointed
can't answer can't answer
mind's blank
can't find excuses
can't lie
excuses are bullshit

do you still want the program
process is self-destructive

my head is swirling
nothing much's going on up there, but it's just swirling.. spinning....
like a sudden outburst of information
it's gonna hang

I am officially in love with you

2010-05-28T12:13:00.016+08:00

WHY
Am I not born in the 50s/60s?!

More swell if I were to be born in AMERICAAA. ^^!!
But even if I were born in Singapore in the 50s/60s, that wouldn't matter. I would insist on studying abroad, and then probably quit school halfway and join a rock band, be friends with Joan Jett, Joey Ramone, etc... and probably earn just about enough to live on alcohol and weed, get high and probably die young, but happy. Or if I live, after I get tired of partying my youth away, I would finally settle down with a boring office job, steady income, meet a nice guy, squeeze out a few puppies, and then my sole purpose in life would be to raise my kids. That's it. Raise kids, plan vacations, keep my husband for as long as possible and try not to end up in divorce and ruin my kids' childhood.

What a dream. Sounds like a great plan.

Something wrong with it?

Oh yes... I forgot my FAMILY back in Singapore!

All I thought about was me, me and ME.

I'M fine being a nobody, dying a nobody, earning only enough to pay the rent. I'm fine with all that but... my duty as a filial daughter doesn't allow a life like that. The education I was provided by my parents with their hard-earned cash was so that one day I could earn enough to repay them. That's the right thing to do. That's the culture we were brought up in. (No sarcasm intended.)

We're forever indebted to our parents.

That kind of carefree, irresponsible life..... it can only remain a dream.

(Wait, how did I drift from Joan Jett to this? LOL)

It must be the Simon Tay short stories I've read.
Look what literature can do to you.

2010-05-27T23:01:00.012+08:00

I think I've watched Breakfast Club 5 times,
500 Days of Summer 4 times,
Fight Club 4 times,
Monga 3 times,
Amelie 5 times,
Ratatouille 4 times,
Coraline 3 times

"This is the way things are. You can't change nature."
"Change is nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide."
"Where are you goin'?"
"With luck, forward."
--Ratatouille

And guess what I found out from 4th time i watch Ratatouille:
-->Mise en scene

Ego's room is the shape of a coffin.

His typewriter is shaped like a skull.

Joan Jett makes me wanna turn lesbian

2010-05-27T14:15:00.004+08:00

Can't stop listening to her.

＝（

2010-05-25T02:35:00.001+08:00

我想减肥。
我要变美。。。

yay cos my hair looks similar to hers.

2010-05-24T21:51:00.001+08:00

Thankiew i have an 80s hairstyle. Wowz.

a lot of angst

2010-05-24T17:43:00.008+08:00

i realise i hate literature

hate poems

hate abstract stuff that forces people to read deep into it to search for some sort of meaning.

it's tiring! i rather play chess!

My brain feels sore from over-analyzing. Stop writing in those words and weird phrasing!

H.A.T.E.

Either that or my brain has lost its stamina due to over-slacking.

2010-05-24T13:12:00.006+08:00

I was late for class because i was fighting with a kid who said that you weren't the best teacher in the world.

Excuse my daughter for being absent for three weeks. She's going to have a baby.

I did my homework, but I just forgot to write it down!

I was feeding my dog some bisqits, and she thought my homework was the bisqit. Just quimsidental i say! HEHE!!

Please excuse Jimmy from school his hair hurt.

Kayla did not have her homework today because last night aliens abducted it.

On the way to school i was feeding the ducks and my homework fell in.

I'm going through puberty!

Alex had constipation and exploded at breakfast.We have stitched him back together now.Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Please excuse Jordan from school forever, because she has some weird disease called freckles.

I made my homework into a paper plane and it was highjacked.

Molly will not be attending school today because her fish died and we're planning the flushing.

Sorry I was late; the bell rang before I got here.

My mom put my homework in the washer.

Didn't You feel The Earthquake?

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Sunday Blues

2010-05-23T17:05:00.005+08:00

'Cause they all agree you're supposed to have a better life
But you're feelin' worse
An' they build you up till you fool yourself that you're
Something else an' it's like a curse cause
You can't live up to what they made of you
An' they tell you that you're losin' friends

Ooops I did it again

2010-05-23T14:44:00.006+08:00

I miss the deadline again.

Might have failed something cuz Nana wants to see me tomorrow. "Yes, it's one of those Nana-talks," She said in her email.

Meanwhile.... I'm obsessed with this song.

Though the words "The ONLY hope for ROCK 'N' ROLL" is probably an overstatement.

And NO, I have not watched The Runaways. In fact, I've missed it again.
The theatres aren't showing it anymore. Well done, well done, Jiayun.
Besides missing deadlines you're also good at missing movies you've been dying to watch.

Anyways, I would really love to get a poster of this:

Very, very sexehhh.

And here's Joan Jett's version of the song. My God she's so fucking cool. And pretty too.

Childhood Hero

2010-05-22T01:12:00.005+08:00

This is so nostalgic I could cry.
Me and my sister used to dash in front of the TV on Saturday afternoons to catch every episode of Night Hood and the theme song was always in our heads. (I was suddenly reminded of it when I heard my neighbour playing something similar to that theme song on the piano.)

Though truthfully, back when I was about 8 years old I didn't really understand the plot and all but the music and the character looked so cool, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen.
He was our favourite hero.

I really missed you, Arsène Lupin.

Oldschoolness

2010-05-20T12:20:00.003+08:00

I love the songs in my iPod, even though it's a lousy iPod classic and not an iTouch.

She's Got Issues - The Offspring
Song 2 - Blur
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Rock 'n' Roll Machine - The Donnas
What A Wonderful World - Joey Ramone
Son Of A Gun - The Vaselines
Atomic - Sleeper
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds
Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John
Let's Call It Off - Peter Bjorn and John
You Showed Me - Lightning Seeds
Goodnight Moon - Shivaree
Dirty Boots - Sonic Youth
Just Like Honey - Jesus and Mary Chain
Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
Tiny Dancer - Elton John
America - Simon & Garfunkel
Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkel

2010-05-17T07:39:00.002+08:00

The Daria Days

2010-05-17T03:18:00.004+08:00

I found this post in one of my 2007 posts. It's a conversation I typed out from a scene in the cartoon, Daria. And I just feel like reposting it for the heck of it.

Converstation:

Tom: Damn, you know what I've just realised?

Daria: The phrase 'chicken finger' is misleading?

Tom: Besides that, we forgot to check out the pizza in new town.

Daria: Oh. Well I guess you just have to send mine a packager to Boston.

Tom: Wouldn't that be a little messy?

-pause-

Tom: Oh Daria. No.

Daria: Yup. It's official. I didn't get into Bromwell.

Tom: I'm really sorry. After my parents wrote such a glowing recommendation too.

Daria: Shocking, isn't it. I'm such a loser even a nut from a Sloan couldn't help me.

Tom: That's not what I meant.

Daria: Good. Because I'm not a loser. And even if I didn't go to the right prep school or pull the right strings or donate a wing--

Tom: It was my uncle!

Daria: Listen. You're a smart guy and a good student. I'm sure you deserve to get into Bromwell. And I wish you every success there.

Tom: Well. That's a nice thing to say. Even if that Daria voice of yours makes it sound like a kiss-off.

-pause-

Tom: Wait--

Daria: I think we should break up.

Tom: What? When did you decide this!

Daria: Just now.

Tom: Because I got into Bromwell and you didn't? That's not fair, Daria!

Daria: It's got nothing to do with Bromwell.

Tom: Well if it's not about Bromwell then what? Why?

Daria: Because you're going one place and I'm going another.

Tom: So what? We won't be that far away.

Daria: I don't mean physically. I mean you're from one place and I'm from another. And college is gonna make it even more obvious.

Tom: I don't believe that.

Daria: Tom, we have little enough in common as it is. Now we won't see each other for months at a time, and every time we do it'll be more difficult to pick up where we left off.

Tom: Not if we work at it.

Daria: Why should we work at it when we're already getting bored?

Tom: Who's bored? I'm not bored.

Daria: Really? Or are you just upset that I admitted it first.

-silence- Daria and Tom look at each other sadly.

Daria: You'll get over it. We both will.

Blow (2001) - one of the best dialogues i've seen

2010-05-16T10:36:00.004+08:00

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on."

2010-05-11T07:12:00.001+08:00

sincere.

Struggling to stay sane

2010-05-10T04:59:00.002+08:00

1) Do first, play later.
2) You need to finish early cuz you need to allow room for corrections
3) Have fun with it (try)

Happy Mother's Day.
Tomorrow's my doom's day.

Good Night world. See me in hell.

Futurama - Leela's Homeworld

2010-05-10T02:49:00.001+08:00

Word Of The Day

2010-05-08T01:48:00.011+08:00

SMART–adjective

7. quick or prompt in action, as persons.

8. having or showing quick intelligence or ready mental capability: a smart student.

9. shrewd or sharp, as a person in dealing with others or as in business dealings: a smart businessman.

10. clever, witty, or readily effective, as a speaker, speech, rejoinder, etc.

11. dashingly or impressively neat or trim in appearance, as persons, dress, etc.

12. socially elegant; sophisticated or fashionable: the smart crowd.

13. saucy; pert: smart remarks.

14. sharply brisk, vigorous, or active: to walk with smart steps.

15. sharply severe, as a blow, stroke, etc.

16. sharp or keen: a smart pain.

17. Informal. equipped with, using, or containing electronic control devices, as computer systems, microprocessors, or missiles: a smart phone; a smart copier.

18. Computers. intelligent (def. 4).

19. Older Use. considerable; fairly large.

—Synonyms
1. pain, hurt, sting. 7. lively, nimble, agile, alert, active. 8. bright, sharp, expert, adroit. 9. cunning, adept. 11. spruce; pretentious, showy. 12. chic. 14. energetic. 16. stinging, poignant, penetrating.

—Antonyms
8. stupid.

Analysis of self: I've come to realise that I'm not smart at all. I'm a tad bit creative maybe, but definitely NOT linked with intelligence. There are retards out there who can paint, do handicraft and do all kinds of creative stuff.

Note: This is not an attempt to bring myself down, but rather, a sort of self discovery.

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR ABC!
LEARN A NEW WORD EVERYDAY! =)
(Disclaimer: Sarcasm in the above statement is not directed at anyone. Learn to take a joke.)

the air of fakeness

2010-05-07T23:58:00.002+08:00

either that or i'm really out of the ring.

ping! pong! i'm bored.

2010-05-07T01:46:00.003+08:00

I wanna kidnap her.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bigdaddyk/sets/72157622855495912/

Yay survived but I blacklisted myself from the woman with knives on her lips.

2010-05-06T04:30:00.003+08:00

I love Nana Greenwald so very muchiesxzx
But I think I let her down again....

:(

I seem to really enjoy letting people down.
Esp. myself.

Please let me survive this week.

2010-05-04T01:56:00.001+08:00

Modern Love - For the Jobless, Relationships Are Different

2010-05-02T23:00:00.009+08:00

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an article Nana recommended me to read to get some ideas for my memoir, though I'm not really sure if it's considered a memoir. It probably is but I think she most probably showed me this article because she could see how much the article feels very much like the way I think. And bingo.
I always thought this might be the way I would live when I grow up, and I don't see anything wrong with it... But maybe we can't live in utopia/dystopia forever.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Falling Off The World

By RACHEL SONTAG

Published: April 30, 2010

CRAIG was an unemployed architect, a cat-owning vegan and recently divorced. The man was wrong for me. And yet I couldn’t get him out of my head.

We met at a pool hall. I adored the way he listened and thought before he spoke. He had chiseled features and those Prada eyeglasses architects favor. He smelled good; not like cologne, but like air and cotton. We shared a love of live music, matinees and independent bookstores. Plus, we’d both been laid off from our jobs: I from a community college where I taught English, and he from a small architecture firm.

Without jobs, we had nothing but time, so we made a career of getting to know each other. We walked the city all day long, ignoring our hunger. We ate lunch at midnight and breakfast at 4 a.m. We stayed up until morning, with no help from unnatural stimulants, talking, laughing and having sex. He lay beside me on the couch as I read him passages from my favorite books: “Franny and Zooey,” “Cathedral.”

I’ve always loved the way life slows down when the unexpected happens: a 48-hour power failure that causes people to flock to the streets with food for their neighbors; a subway strike that forces businessmen to roller-skate to work.

Whenever my flight is delayed I try to have a beer at the airport bar. I don’t hang around the terminal, bombarded by irate passengers. There’s nothing I can do. But there’s music playing in the airport bar, and better lighting. Craig was my airport bar. He was the best person with whom to ride out an international financial crisis.

Everyone has a different yardstick for success, whether it’s marriage, children, a satisfying career, or owning a dog, a car or a home. I had yet to achieve any of these.

Craig, on the other hand, had already been married and divorced. With his ex-wife, he’d bought, renovated and sold a brownstone, adopted shelter animals and owned cars. But after a year of being unemployed, no tangible evidence of his brush with adulthood remained. He longed for the stability, confidence and financial resources he’d grown accustomed to, but instead, at age 37, he moved out of his studio apartment and into his mother’s house in New Jersey.

I was living in one of those rent-controlled artist’s apartments in the West Village that makes living in New York on a teacher’s salary possible. It became our saving grace. We treated it like a cave, ignoring the temptation of the city’s summer consumption like hibernating bears.

The days were long and muggy. At night we’d lie on our backs, eyes closed, lights off, like children making snow angels, as we played our favorite songs for each other. He gave me Elvis Costello and Fiona Apple’s rendition of “I Want You.” I gave him Joni Mitchell’s “A Case of You.” We drank coffee all day long. The world kept turning. The sun kept rising and setting. But we had fallen off the map.

Just for fun we’d play “What would you buy if you had money?”

“A ticket to New Zealand,” I said.

“I’d take you out for dinner,” he said meekly. “A really nice place.”

I smiled.

“I’d buy you a dress,” he said. “I’d like to buy you a dress some day.”

I could tell the hypothetical was less fun for him, but I’d grown accustomed to the romance associated with not having money. I was so used to being broke that on the few occasions I’d had money it felt as if it didn’t belong to me.

My attempt to find work was halfhearted. I called friends and former employers, sent résumés into the black abyss. Nothing was coming through, and part of me was relieved. I had tried to find a job and failed. What more could I do? I simply needed to make enough to pay next month’s rent so we could maintain our state of suspended existence together.

I took a job as a hostess at a restaurant in Harlem. I walked neighbors’ dogs. I bathed and fed friends’ children. I pursued work as a foot fetish model. I posed nude for a 75-year-old artist doing a series of oil-painted vulvas. I sold beer at death-metal shows called “Brutal Truth,” “Pig Destroyer” and “Repulsion.”

The odd jobs didn’t add up. I considered a roommate, but the apartment was the only place Craig and I could be alone together. So instead I rented it by the night, like a hotel, so that we could afford to stay for at least a couple of weeks each month. It was a tricky business, of course, the question of where we’d go when we were displaced.

Lucky for us I had friends who traveled. Friends with dogs and cats, plants and mail that needed tending to. Friends who generously left us keys and fresh sheets for their beds: a weekend in Connecticut, a week in the East Village studio of Craig’s ex-girlfriend.

Then came the cat-sitting job at his ex-wife’s. She lived in Boston, where Craig had lived for 15 years. They remained on good terms, and she’d made it clear I was welcome to stay as long as we slept on the couch and not in her bed. I agreed to the arrangement.

Looking back, it was a strange decision, but at the time it made sense. For much of the summer we’d been on my turf, and he wanted to show me his. We treated the ex’s place with the distanced appreciation one might offer a bed-and-breakfast, while ignoring the obvious. We walked the length of the city as he excitedly shouted out details of the projects he’d worked on and explained the histories behind old buildings.

On our second day, while Craig headed out with a list of errands from his ex-wife (picking up her dry cleaning, her prescriptions, more cat food), I stood in the shower and stared at her shampoo. Later, I stood in the kitchen and assessed the contents of her pantry. In the living room I scanned the faces in the frames of her photos. I closed my eyes and kept them closed for some time. What were we doing?

Soon the oppressive August heat lifted, and I welcomed the relative cool of September. With it came a sense of urgency I hadn’t felt all summer. I threw on my suit and heels and, résumé in hand, aggressively pursued jobs.

Craig found steady work moving refrigerators. I found administrative work. I’d convinced myself that jobs would jump-start our lives together. We’d save money, stop running around, start thinking about the future. No more lazy days of reading to each other on other people’s couches. No more midafternoon movies or sleepless nights of listening to music and making out and drinking wine. It was time to get back to the “real” lives we’d been taking a break from. But we’d never known each other in this “real” world.

With schedules and bedtimes we soon saw less of each other. Quick phone calls replaced our entangled marathon days. One night we had drinks in a hotel bar: not beer or cheap wine, but concoctions with egg whites and orange rinds and freshly grated ginger.

“I can get used to this,” I said, although I felt as if we were playing dress-up.

We were exposed to different sides of each other. I was surprised by Craig’s passivity, the shy manner in which he requested hot sauce at a restaurant for fear of annoying the busy staff.

“Look,” I said. Then to the waitress: “Can we have some hot sauce? Whenever you get a chance.” And the hot sauce came.

OF course it wasn’t about the hot sauce, but his seeming inability to ask for what he wanted. I could hear myself, irritated, impatient. He could hear it, too.

“Why are you so quick to judge?” he asked.

“Quick to judge?”

“Hard on everyone.”

“Hard on you?” I asked.

“Maybe if you weren’t so hard on yourself you wouldn’t be so hard on others,” he said.

“You think I’m critical?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you felt this way?” I asked.

“All along, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you say something, Craig?”

“It wasn’t clear.”

What was clear: that we had little experience with the everyday issues that come up in relationships. We began to see each other with the distance and perspective we didn’t have over the summer. Slowly he withdrew. Then I did.

In the months that followed, I missed the beautiful childlike state we’d managed to exist in, how as a couple we had succeeded — if just for six months — in stopping life’s traffic and receding from the world. But we needed the recession to fuel our romance. We weren’t prepared for the recovery.

Link to article.

Adventures of Milo and Otis

2010-04-29T01:56:00.004+08:00

This is incredible.

Or Maybe Not...?

2010-04-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

This Song Is Drug

2010-04-25T23:30:00.005+08:00

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Elton John had throat surgery in the early 90s, so he can no longer sing falsetto like how he did in this video when he was younger.

Maybe smoking lowers your vocal range.
Today I tried to hum the Vitas song in the shower and nothing came out.

FEAR.

I think I'm just messed up in the head, sometimes.

2010-04-23T00:52:00.000+08:00

I'm a movie addict. I can live without cigarettes but I can't breathe without movies.

2010-04-20T23:36:00.004+08:00

That's not to say that I'm a movie guru. I'm just addicted to watching movies. It's almost like a disease it's scary.

Movies that I'm bound to miss cos of the busy semester:
Shutter Island
Kick-ass
Greenberg
How to Train Your Dragon
A Single Man
Diary of A Wimpy Kid
Youth In Revolt

p.s. remember to download them all

One Day, You'll Be Cool

2010-04-20T02:40:00.004+08:00

Lester Bangs: Oh man, you made friends with 'em. See, friendship is the booze they feed ya. 'Cause they want you to get drunk and feel like you belong.
William Miller: Well it was fun.
Lester Bangs: Because they make you feel cool! And hey, I met you. You are not cool.
William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
Lester Bangs: Because we are uncool. While women will always be a problem for guys like us... most of the great art in the world is about that very problem. Good-looking people, they got no spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
William Miller: Yeah, I can really see that now.
Lester Bangs: Yeah 'cause that's what great art is about... you know, guilt and longing... and, you know, love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love... Hey, let's face it. You got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool!
William Miller: Me too.
Lester Bangs: You're doing great, you know. The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool. Listen, my advice to you... and I know you think these guys are your friends... if you want to be a true friend to them, be honest and unmerciful.

2010-04-19T17:34:00.001+08:00

2 and a half 3 weeks.

2010-04-14T11:11:00.002+08:00

fuck.

you're the shit.

Alone

2010-04-13T03:41:00.001+08:00

I heart leonardo

2010-04-10T18:10:00.001+08:00

I can't stop watching this.

爱情是个梦而我睡过头

2010-04-07T21:14:00.001+08:00

436 days of pain

2010-04-07T16:00:00.008+08:00

today i rechecked my wound again. it's not hurting that much anymore.

truth.

i can't lie anymore so i say alot truths but most of them are moments of impulse.
so don't believe all of them.

6 days have passed...

2010-03-31T01:49:00.003+08:00

And I'm still in the Monga mood.
I really love this movie, as cliche as it may be to some others.
Even if the ending is not perfect.

<3<3<3

《艋舺 / MONGA》

2010-03-29T03:18:00.004+08:00

因为五根手指頭合起來才是一個拳頭。

Every step that I take is another mistake.

2010-03-18T00:39:00.004+08:00

2010-03-16T05:46:00.000+08:00

I HAVE TO READ MORE.

I love to BUUURRRRPPPP

2010-03-15T01:36:00.003+08:00

Now that I've finally learnt how to burp, I've been burping a lot. Loudly and proudly. And I'm farting less.

House Rules

2010-03-12T09:14:00.009+08:00

I hate talking to them.
I can just shut off you know.
You know how good I am with that.

Really, why do I bother.

Oh no you thought wrong.
Not them.
You two.

2010-03-12T08:08:00.004+08:00

I'm in too deep

2010-03-12T07:40:00.001+08:00

Complacent

2010-03-10T02:36:00.001+08:00

Before making the decision to put in little effort, think of how you will feel if you fail at it.

I WANT A LIGHT GREY BUNNY FOR MY 21st BIRTHDAY!

2010-03-09T03:19:00.006+08:00

Smaller Rabbits have been known to live to 13-14 years when kept as a house rabbits and well cared for. The average lifespan is about 8-9 years however.

Larger breeds can live to about 8-9 year in optimal conditions, although their larger size can make them very prone to health problems, especially heart conditions.

ALMOST SAME LIFESPAN AS DOG!
LOVESLOVESLOVESLOVES <3<3<3<3<3<3

Into The Wild

2010-03-07T21:49:00.005+08:00

Happiness only real when shared.

This is a damn good movie.

JIAYUN IS DEAD.

2010-03-05T04:38:00.003+08:00

LESSON #1: I AM WHO YOU THINK I AM! WHAT I THINK OF MYSELF IS WHAT I WILL BE

LESSON #2: DEADLINES ARE IMPORTANT!!!! I MUST KEEP TO THEM STRICTLY

LESSON #3: I MUST PRIORITIZE MY TASKS. FILMS ARE NEVERENDING, I CAN ONLY WATCH THEM IN MY FREE TIME, AFTER I FINISH ALL MY WORK.

LESSON #4: MY MINDSET IS MY INSPIRATION. I DON'T NEED TO WATCH MORE FILMS TO SEEK INSPIRATION

-Credits to XQ and Gina.

I think you should give up on me

2010-03-04T12:51:00.001+08:00

A movie made just for me.

The NoteBook

2010-03-03T04:24:00.007+08:00

Watching it for the 2nd time makes you cry because you now understood what you didn't used to understand, like the meaning behind the opening sequence.

I laugh at jokes that are demeaning to women.

2010-03-01T01:15:00.001+08:00

I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
Well she's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind
She talks about closure and that validation bit
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit

And I said yeah, yeah
Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
Yeah, yeah
She thinks she's the victim
Yeah

Now I know she'll feel abandoned
If I don't stay over late
And I know she's afraid to commit
But it's only our second date

And I said yeah, yeah
Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
Yeah, yeah
She says she's the victim
But she takes it all out on me

I don't know why you're messed up
I don't know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favour
And check your baggage at the door

2010-02-27T19:41:00.001+08:00

We belong in different worlds.

HORROR

2010-02-27T15:43:00.011+08:00

Joanna: OMGOMG.. You look up!
Me: What thing?
Joanna: You just look up!
Me: -looks up-
Joanna: EEE!! Damn gross! Damn scary.
Me: What!
Joanna: Wait.. wait.. I show you. -snaps-
Me: *gasp*

Broken Blood Vessels On My Face

2010-02-25T00:18:00.013+08:00

Today I did not vomit unintentionally. Hm. Sorta. I can't remember. Probably due to impulse.
I was trying out Paris Hilton's slimming strategy. WOW. I think all anorexics must have coarse voices due to severe throat damage.
Now my face looks greyish red reddish grey. Like all the blood capillaries exploded under my skin due to the pressure. Don't know if it'll go away tomorrow, but it hasn't since this afternoon. I look like a corpse.
Maybe I'm dying.
Then I can high-five Sid Vicious in heaven/hell.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

2010-02-22T23:18:00.002+08:00

THANKS LEH JOANNA! THE UGLIEST PHOTO PUT RIGHT AT THE CENTRE!
(That photo I look like Leslie. Short neck round face. HAHAHAHA!)

:)

women are the source of corruption...?

2010-02-21T00:46:00.004+08:00

I`ll die before I'm 25, and when I do I`ll have lived the way I wanted to."
-- Sid Vicious

He died at the age of 21. Just a few months older than me.
But I'm still a nobody.

Love Kills

2010-02-20T01:52:00.005+08:00

"We made a death pact, and I have to accomplish my part of the deal. Please bury me next to my baby. Please bury me with my leather jacket, jeans and motorcycle boots. Goodbye. With love, Sid."

Jia Yun Lim needs to do something about her life

2010-02-20T00:31:00.021+08:00

Her life is such a bore, she can't stand it.

School's a bore.
Everyday life's a bore.

B-O-R-I-N-G . . .

(YAWN)

p.s. Happy 21st birthday JOANNA YING NG! Hope you like the chair! :)

-edit-
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps acoustic (HD) Live in Esplanade Singapore 12 Jan 2010????!!!!!

WAIT!!! THEY DON'T LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU! DON'T GOOOO.....
WHAT THE FUCK. THEY CAME SINGAPORE?! Fuck I missed it. Fuckkkk what was I doinggggggg................... :'( While they are playing I bet I'm still struggling with my pitch. WTF.
I used to even dream of them in my sleep. Wtf. I actually didn't know they were here. ARGH!
What a loser I am. FkfkfkfkfkfkFUCK. _|_

We've seen the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in

Well, it's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dark place
It's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dull life

Know myself

They won't see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

45 is the perfect weight. But 55~60 is also fine.

2010-02-17T00:54:00.015+08:00

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION REMINDER: LOSE WEIGHT!
LOSEWEIGHTLOSEWEIGHTLOSEWEIGHTLOSEWEIGHTLOSEWEIGHT!!!

WHO IS THIS?!

This is me????!!!!! MY GAWD. (I look quite cute here hor. HAHAHAHA)
This was taken like... in sem 2 or 3 I think? Cos I remember the hairstyle. Almost every sem my hair will kinda change a little.

ARGHHH! SO ANGRY AT MYSELF. Why am I like this now! I look like shit.
And now that CNY has arrived and I just got back from Chiangmai (5 days of eating full meals and resting in long bus journeys right after), I think I grow fatter again.

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
I must get back in shape! Starting tomorrow morning! I'm gonna exercise b4 school! This is a promise I make to myself. Right HERE.

(ARGH! Ohmalord I'm still staring at the picture. So sad. :( )

TOMORROW!!!! I'M GONNA DO IT!
Ok technically it's TODAY cos it's past 12.
Okay so TODAY!! No more next time.

p.s. I should also quit 'FRESH AIR' for the time being cos it's eating into my allowance. (And I should start having an allowance to begin with, if not in future I dun have the habit of saving up.)

Farewell, My Best Friend

2010-02-11T03:12:00.017+08:00

I like rabbits. I wanna read this book.

I'll keep you in a box filled with your favourite flowers, bury you at the bottomest pit of my heart and never dig you out again. Farewell, my dearest friend.

TODAY Was Awesome

2010-02-11T01:35:00.005+08:00

I hope there will be a few more Todays in future.
THANK YOU ALL! I LUBB EEUU SHO MUCHIEXXX!

Esp HUIMIN! OMG I really wanted to hug you since long ago but end up you hugged me first. YOU CUTE CUTE MEATBALL! HEHEHEHEHE! XOXOXOXO!!!!!!

2010-02-06T16:31:00.006+08:00

The bigger my toothy grin is
The smaller my troubles grow
The louder I say I'm happy
The more I believe it's so
So I'll have that extra something
Cuz I know what to wear


So I'll be special and I'll be rare
I'll be something beyond compare
I'll be noticed because I'll wear
A smile and a ribbon in my hair

Hello Saturday

2010-02-05T18:13:00.002+08:00

....................../??/)
...................,/?../
................../..../
............/??/'...'/???`·?
........./'/.../..../......./??\
.......('(...?...?.... ?~/'...')
........\.................'.../
.........''...\.......... _.·?
...........\..............(
.............\.............\....

Nana told me

2010-02-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

"The only thing that's stopping you is you."

Where's Arnie?

2010-01-31T09:36:00.008+08:00

Arnie knows a secret. His big brother Gilbert is the greatest person on the planet.

I'm in love with Leonardo DiCaprio again. Since Titanic.
My primary school idol.

*Sigh* <3

I learn about films from cartoons

2010-01-31T03:57:00.009+08:00

Thanks to American Dad, and Family Guy for parodying films and also spoiling Shawshank Redemption for me.

Leonardo + Johnny Depp

This is a must watch.

And also, I learned something very interesting today:
How Vinyl Records are made.
That's a lot of work for one song. If I ever get rich and dunno what else I can spend my money on, I'll get a Vinyl Record Player and collect lots of LPs, esp from Patience and Prudence. Nah I'm just sayin'. That'll probably never happen. Me getting rich.

Believe it or not, I'm excited to start school. Maybe because there'll be Location Filmmaking next sem, and Feature screenwriting, although I always screw up the most on these two things but it's a love-hate thing. Not everyone understands that.

Wowowowow... 3 more sems to go and we graduate! That's fast. Too fast.

I Manage to Survive School...

2010-01-29T03:23:00.014+08:00

Because I have friends like these:

I may not be the best partner/teammate (in fact I may be one of the worst)
But you all never stop believing in me and always stood by me through times of trouble, sadness, despair... etc.
I'm glad I was in T1B3.
I'm so lucky to know every one of you. Really.

THANK YOU ALL :)

I heart 小鬼/黃鴻升

2010-01-23T21:42:00.007+08:00

Didn't know that guy in the MV was 小鬼!
According to Rainie Yang he was kinda the high school heart throb in their high school (They were classmates and lovers for 3 years, and also Rainie's first boyfriend).
Soooo.... I went to google.

I think this is their high school pic together cos 小鬼 look so different.

Now he's like...

And then I notice how much it looks like GINA's hair. HAHAHA
SEE GINA, TOLD YOU YOU LOOK LIKE BOY.

I love it when they host together. They crack me up SO much.
I love the idea of great guy partners.

Let's Kick Some Ice

2010-01-23T03:17:00.009+08:00

And break some balls.

SOOO Goood. Why did I give it a miss?!

I should never judge a film by its poster anymore.

2010-01-20T00:56:00.018+08:00

I should do a remake of Napoleon Dynamite's opening credits.
Looks fun to do.

OUH NOOO....

2010-01-17T00:49:00.009+08:00

It's Sunday already...

2010-01-15T00:26:00.001+08:00

"The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes, but liking what one has to do."

Really? I always thought that was self-denial. But I could be wrong.

Art

2010-01-11T21:22:00.001+08:00

Happy 2010

2010-01-06T19:41:00.005+08:00

Funny pic i came across on some random blog.

New Year resolutions:

- get good grades

- lose weight

If i somehow manage to fulfil these two, my LIFE will change forever.

Cute as a Button in the Eye

2009-12-27T21:42:00.009+08:00

57 different sets
Filmed in 3D
Everything completely handmade

Oh my twitchy, witchy girl
I think you are so nice
I give you bowls of porridge
I give you bowls of ice... cream
I give you lots of kisses
I give you lots of hugs
But I never give you sandwiches
With grease and worms and mung... beans.

Random Photos

2009-12-23T23:31:00.009+08:00

I dunno how many thousand years I didn't post my own photos on my blog. Cos the digicam at home is not really mine so I seldom touch it. The only cam I have is actually my dslr which I seldom use it cos it's bulky. Tsktsk.
So since I bought card reader today, I can finally transfer photos from my dslr to my com. Cos for some reason my cable's not working.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

2009-12-19T02:43:00.004+08:00

NO SCHOOL FOR 2 WEEKS!

YAY!

:)

Sorry Nana...

2009-12-15T07:45:00.007+08:00

:(

Tonight, I promise.

_||. --> my symbol for the hand gesture.

2009-12-14T02:04:00.000+08:00

You're Like Water.

2009-12-10T22:27:00.004+08:00

Tasteless, at first, but it's the one liquid that truly quenches your thirst.
The one thing that keeps you alive for as long as possible.
Nothing's more insufferable than thirst. Not even hunger.

Coen Genius

2009-12-09T06:08:00.009+08:00

Holiday Movie List:
Burn After Reading
Blood Simple
Raising Arizona
Groundhog Day
The Graduate
Take Money And Run

Note to Self: And Back To The Future in case come out in exams.

While I was doing Prod for Broadcast, scriptwriting suddenly felt like a fantasy. Writing essays/reports is a living nightmare for me. Compare to them, writing scripts is like a freaking wet dream.

Now I know. If somehow I end up being a producer, (which I know I won't) having to make phone calls and do market research all day long, I'll kill myself for not giving scriptwriting a shot.